Jonathan Siegrist is not only capable of actually doing the moves on Necessary Evil, he sent the route a few years back in good style.
One time, never mind when, at the Virgin River Gorge in the Arizona Strip, I witnessed a spectacle anathema to everything that climbing is supposed to be. In fact, I still do not feel ready to write down what I saw until I’ve had some more protein powder to speed my recovery. Unfortunately, there’s no time and the doomed bastard I once watched toproping the first half of Necessary Evil (5.14c) is going to get what he deserves.
That’s right. After donning some high-performance slippers, this climber-dude stick-clipped his way up the first half of what, not too long ago, was the country’s most difficult rock climb. He fondled each hold lightly, with the obnoxious, nugatory precision of sprinkling garnish on chicken soup. After getting the rope up, the dude came down to rest (from what?), before his attempt at actual rock climbing. Of course, that wouldn’t have been possible had it not been for the deadweight on the other end, his girlfriend. She, The Belayer, sat on the rope with all her weight so that he, The Climber, could have pretend-fun-fantasy-time on Necessary Evil. It went something like this:
Step 1: Grab some holds—doesn’t matter which ones—and thrust hips upward so Belayer’s weight takes you in.
Step 2: Try to move hand and explode off the rock.
Step 3: Repeat.
Without even looking at his Belayer, the Climber would silently command to be lowered—I suppose to “rework” a section—by pompously tapping his finger in the air downward. He’d repeat the three steps, never linking more than two moves together, until he’d reach the only jug on the route, at which point we were all wowed by his token five-minute shake-out. It almost looked like there was some climbing going on. Oh yeah, in between each “burn,” The Climber would come down and nap in The Belayer’s lap, while she petted him like a dog.
Don’t get me wrong. Working on routes above your ability is a true necessary evil, and it is good for your climbing. I do it all the time, though only because I have yet to find a route that is actually below my ability. People can do whatever they want, and I don’t really care. But the scene really stuck with me because it looked like opposite of why I think people should go rock climbing. That is, it looked like the opposite of fun—for The Climber and especially The Belayer.
Apparently, after talking with VRG locals, Necessary Evil is frequently the site of this exact same scenario. It reminded me of when I used work at gyms, belaying awful little rug-rats at kids’ birthday parties. Why? Because their stupid boomer parents thought that taking 20 children who have never learned any discipline from these futile new-agey parenting techniques to a climbing gym is good way to spend their money. Anyway, even these kids, doomed as they may be, don’t like to be hoisted up a rock wall by the belayer’s weight. Interestingly, our most basic human instinct is to try and climb something by ourselves.
Of course, not everyone is like that, and some kids spent their time getting pizza sauce everywhere, pulling hair and sucking on foot-long pixie/sugar sticks (which, by the way, are really just one step and ten years away from a nasty crack addiction, and not the Indian Creek kind). Maybe I’ll be seeing those kids on Necessary Evil soon. After a few pixie sticks, I suppose anything is possible, especially if you have the “right” (heavy) kind of belayer.
“People can do whatever they want, and I don’t really care.”
Really? Seems like you DO! Love your blog…but damn man…get over it. So what…some dude tried a climb to hard for you. He spent the day with his girlfriend doing something outside…maybe that was FUN for him? Maybe?
Why do you give a hoot about what he was doing? Weren’t you having fun? Weird post.
meh. I do the same thing, only me it’s on 12c not 14c routes. And I always make it a point to have the biggest stick-clip at the crag. And instead of a cute girlfriend belaying it’s a brah that keeps on screaming very loud so that everyone can hear that I should lower right away so he can warm up on my proj.
meh. I do the same thing, only me it’s on 12c not 14c routes. And I always make it a point to have the biggest stick-clip at the crag. And instead of a cute girlfriend belaying it’s a brah that keeps on screaming very loud so that everyone can hear that I should lower right away so he can warm up on my proj.
Hilarious man. Dripping with cynicism, but maybe I’m just in the mood for that right now. Keep firing off these gems!
I really liked this post, and I definitely understand what you’re saying. there’s a difference between working a route on top rope and not *actually* making any of the moves because you’re using the rope to support you. it’s one thing to have a nice loose belay and actually work out sequences on the climb…it’s a completely different thing to hang on the rope and move your limbs around…
I’m not quite sure how I feel about your post, Andrew. I absolutely hate when people do this at my local crag (Smith Rock), but at the same time I know I am guilty of doing similar things. If it wasn’t for trying routes above my limit, I wouldn’t experience the amazing feat of getting back on a route you couldn’t do any moves on previously and it feeling quite easy (one of my favorite things about climbing).
There are, however, a few important distinctions that I think make your subject either guilty or not guilty. Chances are he went home and told all his buddies he had some good burns on Necessary Evil. Error #1. Chances are he got on the route not because he will ever actually be able to climb it but rather because he knows it is one of the nation’s hardest routes and wanted to appear like a super-human climber, when in reality, he might be one of the worst.
These topics are difficult, but I think it is important to get to a point where things like this don’t upset us to the point where we need to rant about them (even though we all want to). What upsets me more about seeing people like the one you saw doing what he did, is how upset I get and how unable I am to deal with it.
But, he is, after all, a douche, right? So doesn’t that entitle us to make fun of him?
Ok. It’s decided. I agree with you, part of me just wishes I didn’t, and that whatever other people choose to do didn’t bother me so much.
For now, here is a picture my friend took at our crag of somewhat of a similar situation, just at the opposite end of the grade spectrum.
This is amazing. You’re my favorite. Guest, you’re a douche. If you can honestly tell me that you would witness a situation like the one described above and think to yourself “good for him, he must be having such a fun time!”, you must poop rainbows. I sure had a good time reading this.
I loved the post. What is missing out there (and found here) actually is the “non-politically correct” (literal translation from portuguese) opinions such as yours, because it is what we actually think before some sort of pity comes and makes us say: “…oh poor, let him do whatever he pleases..”
Thanks for reading and all the comments, Rodrigo! Much appreciated