So far this year has been funky and awkward. I’ve been firing hard on all cylinders, but somehow the timing has often just felt off. We like to use the funny phrase life gets in the way, but I wonder: in the way of what?

There is a cruel paradox between being content with what you have and discontented enough to take it all forward by leaps and bounds. We walk that delicate incongruity every day, especially as climbers. I’m climbing better this year than I ever have, and yet I really have nothing to show for it. Sometimes I think the hardest projects to finish off are the ones in your own backyard. There’s always tomorrow. The route will always be there tomorrow. 

Yet, pretty soon, enough tomorrows pass by and all you have left are your yesterdays.

I am learning to approach life as if it were a garden. I have so many amazing things blooming and even more amazing seeds planted, but it’s not enough to just have this garden. The garden needs tending or else it dies. Relationships. Climbing. Writing. Each one requires just the right amount of nurturing in order to be fruitful. You can’t just neglect some of these things—for me: climbing, my physical form, my motivation to write and experiment creatively, and above all, my relationships to the people who are closest to me—and expect them to always be there, as strong as they once were. But at the same time, over-watering them, meddling with the garden too much, has the same result as slothful neglect.

This year I bought a house and got a dog with the girl I love. I’m climbing really well. My writing has been recognized this year and is taking me in some exciting directions. Yet all of it has been stressful and taken its toll, and despite all these life achievements, there’s a certain discontent in it all.

Sport climbing is so goal oriented that “climbing well” just isn’t enough. Ticking the next grade or finishing off your project: that’s how we measure success in climbing. And doing all that requires a certain motivation, in addition to just having the physical form. That motivation is one of those plants in the garden that needs tending. Sometimes the right way to water that motivation is by taking a complete break from climbing, but other times, I think it’s best to go and do something totally different.

Tomorrow, I’m heading out to Italy to take care of that motivation. Hopefully I’ll find it on the classic and new-wave routes of the Dolomites. It should be a great trip and I hope to keep the blog updated with images from our adventure, but I also might not get around to it and that would be fine with me, too.

I didn’t send my projects before leaving on this trip. Life got in the way. But when it looks like this, I’m happy to let it.