In my lived experience, otherwise known as my experience, I’ve never actually heard the term “day flash” being genuinely used out in the wild. Perhaps this speaks to my privilege as a person who climbs around people who haven’t graduated from the gym-to-crag idiot pipeline. Apparently, however, this term exists (even though I still don’t honestly believe it).

From what I gather, a “day flash” means that you sent a project on the first try of the day. This could mean that you’ve been trying to redpoint your project over many days, but then, on the day that you actually do it, you do it on your first attempt. This is a concept that no one—literally, no one—asked for or needed because the specific detail it describes—beyond the fact of just sending your proj (which, good for you)—is so insignificant and boring that I’m barely even able to get to the end of this sentence without drooling all over myself.

Some people also say that “day flash” means trying a route for the first time and, before the day is done, sending it. This at least kind of makes more sense, even if, once again, it’s a term that no one—literally, no one—asked for.

Do we need a special designation for every kind of ascent, no matter how rote and arbitrary that ascent may be? If you send a project within a calendar year, is that a “year flash”? If you send your route right at 4:00 o’clock is that a “top of the hour”? If it takes you exactly 13 tries to do a route, is that a “baker’s dozen”?

Are we just supposed to consensually “summit fuck” Everest in this brave new free-for-all?

People who use “day flash” (once again, I don’t believe they actually exist) are one step below those who say “back-stepping” to mean “rope behind the leg.”

We need to correct course before this gets out of control.

Our language is our home, people. And as I say to my kids, this house is a goddamn mess. It’s time for some spring cleaning, you loose-jargon-ass-motherfuckers. Let’s throw Day Flash into the trash. And while we’re at it, let’s 86 these climbing terms that no one—literally, no one—asked for before they catch on, too.

Moon Bored: This is where you sit in front of your gym’s Moon Board and scroll endlessly through the Moon app while listening to the token bro-banter from the shirtless-beanie-with-the-eenie-weenie who is desperate to show everyone how strong he is. Why is it so hard to find a problem to climb? It’s like choosing a show on Netflix—so many options, so hard to commit to one. Now, because you’re so addled and indecisive, you just give up and go “hang-bored,” which is hang boarding, but a more honest appraisal of how boring it is.

Hat trick: The ultimate trifecta of any climbing day: fall on your warmup, send your project, and then injure yourself.

Hot flash: Climb your project naked.

Headpoint: This is where you visualize yourself sending your project in your head. The trick is to get from the bottom to the top of your route without being distracted by errant thoughts interrupting your visualization. (This is actually kinda hard to do.)

Fixed gear: Aging, dangerous bolts that need to be replaced, but in reality never will be. Still, you can’t help but find yourself drawn to them, caressing that rusting stud sticking firmly out of the rock, as you think, I could fix them. No, Susan, you can’t.

Onsite: You’re at the cliff site. You’re with your crew. You’ve got your construction-style helmet on. It’s time to send the route. … But, first, you take a four-hour break and bitch about the conditions. That’s an onsite. But it’s really only a true onsite if your break takes up most of Sendtember, and then you have to work overtime into November to finish the job before winter.

Brownpoint: Obviously, this is where you shit your pants because you’re runout and scared.

Backclip: This is where you drape the rope over your shoulder, and let it hang down your backside while climbing from the ground to the first bolt. There is absolutely no reason to do this, but for some reason, people do it because they think it looks cool. (It’s not.)

Z clip: Have any men tried to pee on a wall, and then had their dicks nipped by their zippers because of the way your harness is making it difficult to arrange your package? That’s a Z clip, boys.

Beta: The subman / hype-boi belayer who spends all of his time at the cliff following around the alpha pro climbing influencer.

Daisy Chain: Are you also here for the gang bang?

Dry-treatment: Dude, she’s not interested! Go climb somewhere else.

Nut tool: The guy in the gym getting the dry treatment.

Pumped: The guy who isn’t getting the dry treatment.

Stopper: The guy cock-blocking the guy who’s pumped.

Half-roped: When you get lowered off the end cause you didn’t tie a knot and the route was longer than you thought.

SRENE: “Sweet!” A good day of climbing or a good route. “That pitch was so SRENE!” etc.

TCU: Where climbers get their degrees.

Free solo: Climbing with no one—literally no one—else around.