For eons, Mount Everest has inspired awe and respect as the world’s tallest mountain, a symbol of everything that makes the humans who climb it superior to those who don’t. Yet it is also the site of one of climbing’s most enduring and enigmatic questions: where is the base, or “foot,” of the mountain?

Though the official height of Everest has long been settled science, climbers and geographers have argued, sometimes fiercely, over the precise location of the mountain’s foot.

Until now.

A team of climbers for the Royal Geographic Secret Spanking Society has discovered what they believe to be the foot of Mount Everest.

“We noticed a boot melting out of the ice, and thought nothing of it at first. But then, we looked closer, unlaced the boot, and there it was … the Foot,” said expedition leader Chiminey Jim, his voice shaking. “We all just started running around, dropping F bombs and spanking each other like crazy!”

Experts say the potential discovery of the foot of Mount Everest may provide clues to the official relief of the world’s only mountain.

“We’ve long known where the summit is and how high it is,” says Guy Canard, owner of the commercial guiding outfit Dare Elite My Balls Expeditions. “The tricky part has been understanding how much climbing it takes to get there. And for that, we’ve needed to know where the climbing begins. In other words, where the fuck is Everest’s foot?”

Finding Everest’s Foot became an obsession among adventurers, explorers, and the broader kink community, rivaling only the hunt for the lost city of Atlantis, or the elusive 20% off code of a Yeti. Many skeptics dismissed the quest as pure folly, viewing Everest’s “Footers” as akin to a flat-earth society.

“Those Footers better put their slobber balls back in their mouths … How many times I gotta say it?! There is no Foot of Everest!” Ned Beasturs once famously shouted on Good Morning America.

Still, the question of whether Everest’s Foot could ever be found often served as a useful way to obtain grants and funding. The Royal Geographic Secret Spanking Society alone has funded at least 5,000 expeditions to Everest, ostensibly to find the Foot but also to host its annual BDSM orgy beneath the majestic Chomolungma, among consenting adventurous adults.

The discovery of Everest’s Foot represents more than just a climbing milestone—it reshapes our understanding of the Himalayas and the natural processes that gave rise to this majestic region. The Foot, in geological terms, marks the precise location where the mountain’s base meets the Earth’s crust, forming the foundation from which Everest rises to its towering height of 8,848 meters (29,029 feet). This precise location has long been obscured by the region’s complex terrain, glacial movements, and abandoned whips, leather-daddy chaps, and Bore-tex jackets leeching forever chemicals into the headwaters of the world’s most sacred rivers.

The discovery of Everest’s Foot calls to mind the last great geographic milestone in Everest’s rich and storied history: the time when celebrated American mountaineer Rad Canker discovered the toe of the Khumbu Glacier.

“From the Khumbu’s toe to Everest’s foot, we’re now just one step closer to truly understanding the full anatomical majesty that is Mount Everest,” says Jim, his fingers rattling his cage.