Despite having saved up for a climbing trip to Kalymnos for over a year, the precious little delicate rock climber Jeffrey Covil was reportedly too jet-lagged to climb during his weeklong trip to the climbing paradise. “Each day I’d hike up to the Grande Grotta cave,” said little Jeffery-weffrey. “But by the time I reached the wall, I was so jetlagged that I just had to take a nap.”

The precious little dear from Denver had hoped to get a picture of himself in silhouette climbing out the spectacular line of tufas and stalactites, which you won’t find anywhere else in the world. Yet each day, no matter how much coffee the wittle wock cwimber drank, it was all he could do to hike to the Grande Grotta cave, tie in and then promptly fall asleep in his rope bag, curled up in the dearest little fetal position.

“I just didn’t realize how long it would take to get here,” said the delicate thumb-sucking man-baby, who only occasionally lifted his heavy eyelids to catch glimpses of all the other climbers having incredible climbing experiences in a paradise that you literally won’t find anywhere else on earth. “Four different flights and 40 hours of travel really just took it out of me! I was just so, so, so jetlagged.”

On the last day of his trip, the human incarnate of an eggshell actually felt good enough to climb. But when he reached the second bolt of the warm-up, the precious darling tore an itsy bitsy little flapper in his middle finger and had to come down. He vows to come back for that route, next year.

[Thanks to The Onion for the inspiration for this story.]